


Why?

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-03
Updated: 2006-04-02
Packaged: 2018-08-16 06:00:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8090218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: T'Pol tries to retain her control. Set just after 2.26 "The Expanse." (10/08/2003)





	1. PrologueâOn Our Way

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: Spoilers, 1.01-1.02 "Broken Bow," 1.07 "The Andorian Incident," 1.17 "Fusion," 1.19 "Acquisition," 1.26-2.01 "Shockwave," 2.02 "Carbon Creek," 2.05 "A Night In Sickbay," 2.14 "Stigma," 2.26 "The Expanse."  
  
Special Thanks to my Beta Queens: To Dee, for helping with ideas and kicking me out of my writers block to finally complete this story. To Tami, for the gigantic help of assisting me in getting the UMPH I was craving. You have the "power." A very BIG thank you for the name. To Witezon, for the BIG job of helping me make the entire fic reader friendly and tutoring me in creative writing. You are the BEST!!! Thank you very much ladies for your wisdom and ego boosting words.  
  
"Speaking"; ::Thoughts::  


* * *

Captain Jonathan Archer was standing behind his chair, hands clenched onto its back, with his fingers digging into the cushion, staring straight ahead at the nebula on the view screen. After Enterprise's bout with the Klingons, he knew it was the beginning of a string of battles in which he and his crew would have to be prepared. Thinking to himself, ::There's no telling what we're going to face in here.:: He watched as the nebula started to dissipate; clear space was dead ahead. ::Here we go.::

"Captain," his first officer called back his attention. "We have just cleared the nebula."

He walked over to her, "Anything on sensors, Sub-Commander?"

She moved over to her sensors, her fingers dancing across her console, trying to get any readings. "Nothing."

He called over to Communications, "Hear anything, Ensign?"

She replied, "Nothing, sir."

He walked back behind his chair and looked at the view screen, "Looks like we're on our way."

He looked around at his senior officers on the bridge with pride. He thought about every one of themâ€”entering into the unknown, out of loyalty toward him and Earth. He could see they were all on edge, but were willing to do whatever they had to for their planet.

His eyes turned toward his helmsman, Ensign Travis Mayweather, watching him concentrate on guiding his ship into the unknown. A small smile escaped his lips, ::After that little maneuver with the Klingons, Travis, I don't think we could do this without our best pilot.::

He then darted his eyes towards his security officer, Lieutenant Malcolm Reed, who was working on his weapons systems. ::Well, Malcolm, looks like you'll get your chance to blow things up.::

His attempt to try and lighten his mood changed when his head turned towards his friend and chief engineer, Commander Charles "Trip" Tucker III, who was assessing any damage that might have been done to the engines. The southerner's demeanor had changed from lighthearted to quiet and then brooding, not that anyone could blame him. Remembering the conversation in his quarters with his friend, ::Trip, whatever it takes, we'll get them for what they did to your sister and all the other lives they've taken.::

His head then turned towards his communications officer, Ensign Hoshi Sato, who was intently listening for anything that may be out there. He let out a small smile, ::You've come a long way from the woman I had to work hard in convincing to come with us.:: His face turned serious as he thought about the kids she had taught in Brazil and those young lives lost. ::We'll do what we have to Hoshi.::

He then turned around and looked at his Vulcan science officer, as well as his first officer, Sub-Commander T'Pol, who as always, was concentrating on her sensor readings to get as much information as possible. His stomach tightened in warmth as he watched her, ::I'm glad you're here with me, T'Pol, but I still don't understand why you're giving up everything for my world. What I wouldn't give to see what goes on in that head of yours and see how your mind works.:: He sighed.

T'Pol heard him sigh and looked up at him, brow arched in curiosity. "Captain, you have been on duty for 14 hours, perhaps you should rest." She settled her eyes on him, awaiting his response.

He was tired, but felt it was his duty to stay where he was. "I'm fine T'Pol." He watched as her eyebrow arched up again. ::Great, she's got that 'I'm not taking no for an answer' look in her eyes.::

Everyone on the bridge was trying not to look up or pay attention to their exchange, but they couldn't help themselves. They were all pleased she was staying, just as much as their captain. She seemed to be the only one bold enough to challenge her superior officer, and naturally put things in perspective for him when he was pushing himself over the limit, although, never without contention. It always made it interesting to be working on the bridge when they were both on duty.

T'Pol could never understand why he was so illogical with basic biological requirements, such as relaxation. Anticipating his answer, she began to logically explain, "Sir, as captain, your mind must be clear and alert to make appropriate command decisions at a moments notice. It will not bode well if we are to encounter something unexpected and you are distracted by exhaustion, especially now when your focus is vital to our mission."

His eyes widened in surprise at her response. ::Did she just say 'our' mission? You never cease to surprise and amaze me.:: He smiled at her, "All right Sub-Commander, I'll go and rest." He paused for a brief moment and then grinned, "But maybe you should do the same. You've been on duty just as long as I have." He was looking into her eyes, waiting for the 'I'm a Vulcan' speech.

T'Pol was feeling slightly fatigued herself, and she did need to attend to some personal matters in her quarters, such as preparing her resignation to the Vulcan High Command and the Science Directorate before they traveled deeper into the Expanse. She also needed to meditate. A lot has happened and she needed to focus her mind. She stared at him, knowing what he was expecting, but she was in no mood to debate. "Very well."

She surprised him again. ::Very well?::

He watched as she began to prepare her station for her replacement. He turned toward Malcolm. "Lieutenant, you have the bridge." He waited for T'Pol to finish what she was doing and they both headed towards the turbolift and entered it, pushing the C Desk button.

They stood in a companionable silence as the turbolift headed toward their deck. He felt so content with her presence; he didn't realize the turbolift stopped until she moved to step out.

As they both stepped out, she turned to him, "Sleep well, Captain."

He smiled at her, "Yeah, you too." He watched her turn on her heel and walk away. ::Damn, what is it about her?::


	2. Silent Confessions And Unanswered Questions (Archer's POV)

Jonathan Archer leaned against the bulkhead, looking out the porthole. Gathering his thoughts, he began to record his personal log:

"Captain's personal log supplemental: We've entered into the clear space of the Delphic Expanse. The entire crew is walking on eggshells. I can't say I'm any better. Not only do feel like I have the weight of the world on me, I have the weight of responsibility for the lives of my crew. I have to ensure that we all return home. Enough human lives have been lost. I refuse to let the Xindi or any of the other horrors Soval had warned me about, take anymore of us."

Running his hands through his hair, he began to pace back and forth and gather his thoughts. "On a positive note, I can't believe there is something to be positive about; I won't have to shoulder this alone. Sub-Commander T'Pol has decided to stay with us on this mission...Computer, pause..." He stopped, looking down at Porthos, and put his hands on his hips trying to figure out why things didn't add up.

"I still can't understand why she would stay! Why give up her career? Risk her life??" he asked his four-legged friend.

He paced back and forth in his quarters, going over why she would give up her life's work for this terran ship? Finally, throwing his hands in the air, "I don't get it, Porthos. I don't get her. Yes, we're entering into dangerous territory, and yes I need her, more than she knows. Why would she give up everything? It's not only her career she's throwing away; she risks possibly being ostracized by her own people.

He stopped pacing in front of Porthos, gesturing his hands to get his point across, as if get the pup to understand. "The Vulcans will see her "illogical" actions as emotional, and she's being corrupted by humans. They'll do whatever the hell they do to make her as miserable as possible."

His rant stopped, at that remark he smirked. "Miserable. Heh. Misery would be an emotion. They seem only too willing to make a pariah of any Vulcan that doesn't conform to the ways they set for their planet. Damn narrow-minded Vulcans. Haven't they ever heard of freedom of choice? That must only be an illogical human thing. For a non-emotional race, they sure seem to make a lot of emotionally charged decisions, don't they boy? Enlightened, my ass!"

Sighing, he began again, "Computer, resume...Even though she has given up her commission with the Vulcan High Command and Science Directorate, her position on board Enterprise as my science officer, and first officer still stands. As far as the crew and I are concerned, she'll keep her title as Sub-Commander. In the time she has been with us, she has proven to be invaluable. Her knowledge of space will be important, now more than ever, as well as her logic and wisdomâ€”assets that will get the job done. She'll probably save all our lives in the process and get us back home in one piece. Computer, stop."

Jonathan walked over to his bed and fell back onto it, staring up at the ceiling. Porthos jumped up, lying right beside him. As he began stroking his dog, his thoughts kept turning to the dangers in this part of space. "Some of us may not come out of here alive, boy. I don't want her to be one of those casualties. On the one hand, professionally, she's the only one I trust to help us on this mission, not just as my science officer, but also as my first officer. I rely on her to keep me focused and depend on her advice to help me in crisis after crisis. On the other hand, she personally has become so important to me that the thought of her giving up everything, possibly even her life..."

He stopped and thought about this women, not science officer, giving up her life for him. Somewhere along the line, T'Pol became the focus of many of complex feelings and thoughts.

He began to wonder when this happened. ::In the beginning, I kept telling myself; she's Vulcan, a barter Starfleet made for star charts. Before she even stepped on board my opinion of her was 'Vulcan = Pain in my ass.' I looked for a reason, any reason, to chuck her out an airlock. I thought she was there to baby-sit us wayward humans, forced on us to dissect all of my command decisions and prove to her people we weren't ready to explore space. She would then explain how irrational we were and how we should have listened to them. Don't trust her.::

He closed his eyes, smiled softly and shook his head. ::Boy, was I way off. Granted I still feel that way about most Vulcans, especially the High Command. But she became the exception to the rule.::

His initial mistrust of her changed to that of accepted crewmember. ::She earned my respect by helping me out along the way, many times, as my first officer. I began to trust her with my ship, my life and the lives of my crew. I also learned to rely on her to make decisions in my absence that I would make. Regardless of the reasons she was placed on board Enterprise, we managed to develop a mutual alliance that made it tolerable to work together.::

Somewhere along the line, she became his friend. He opened his eyes and chuckled at this thought. ::When did this happen? I just suddenly began to enjoy our lunch get-togethers, and our conversations as we were walking, heading to whatever destination we were going, or in my ready room during crunch time. I would help her understand humans a little better and she would help me understand Vulcans better. Together we had forged an acceptance towards one another, eliminating a few of the misconceptions and prejudice, and began sharing a mutual trust and respect. This changed from a tolerance of working side by side, into a pleasure being together, both professionally and personally.::

Then somehow, that feeling of friendship veered off to something very different. He furrowed his brows, closed his eyes again and sighed.

His next thought was something he still wasn't sure he felt comfortable with, but Doctor Phlox told him to be aware of it and boy was he right. He was attracted to her. ::Sure, anybody with eyes can see she's physically beautiful, Vulcan or otherwise, but there's more than just her exotic beauty that has captivated me. It was T'Pol, the woman.::

He felt his face burning just thinking about her. ::There are many things attractive about her, things that I once saw as arrogance, they now are the things that hold my attention. The way she carries herself, such strength and confidence, yet she moves with such fluid grace. Then there's her sense of honor, the way she is determined to do the right thing for herself, her people, for me and my crew; it makes me feel proud that I know this woman and that she's by 'my' side. How she stubbornly debates anything she disagrees with and her need for me or anyone for that matter, to see her point, suddenly became a challenge for my mind.::

He let out a breath trying to cool his body down, but the thought of her was strong in his mind. ::Then there's her endearing qualities, qualities that piss me off every now and then, depending on the situation, like when she raises her brow when I say something she doesn't understand, or when she's curious, makes me want to kiss her.:: He felt his blush grow hotter on his face.

Still blushing, he opened his eyes slightly widening them in awe, ::Finally, there's her face; a face she masterfully controls to show she's devoid of emotions, yet her eyes which mesmerize me every time I looks into them. They are the mirrors of her soul, displaying what she denies having. Those eyes show a fire, a passion when she's adamant about something, yet such compassion, a gentleness that makes me want to touch her.::

He closed his eyes, shaking his head, ::Never in my life would I ever have thought I would endure a Vulcan for a long period of time in the same building with me, let alone have strong feelings for a Vulcan woman on an enclosed ship.::

He opened his eyes again in registered shock and quickly turned to look at Porthos, who jumped at his sudden action. ::Strong feelings???:: He bowed his head down, smiled and sighed. He looked over to Porthos in weary acceptance. "I'm more than just attracted to her, aren't I, boy?" He couldn't fool himself any longer. ::My father must be spinning in his grave.:: He shook his head and threw his hands up, having a tough time accepting his discovered feelings. "How the hell did it get this far?" He thought about it.

::It was when she allowed a part of herself she had kept very private to everyone around her, including her own people, exposed for me to see. Confiding in me when she was troubled, and trusting me to help her through her problems. That's how I got suckered in.:: He sighed.

::I remember the time when that jerk Tolaris had violated her. How pissed I was when he wanted to see her in sickbay. If I ever see him again, next time I will use the phase pistol. Then, that evening when I went to her quarters to make sure she was okay, she wasn't the Vulcan I was used to seeing on the bridge everyday. Until that day, I've never seen her with her barriers down. When she said she envied me for having dreams, she looked so vulnerable. I just wanted to stay and comfort her, let her know that I wouldn't let anything like that ever happen again. I knew I couldn't.::

He rose from his bed and released a long breathe, ::I even fought to keep her by my side, even when she would've given up.:: He moved restlessly to the other side of his cabin as he thought about what happened at P'Jem and, then her Pa'nar Syndrome. ::She couldn't possibly understand. Losing her was not an option. There has been no person I trust as much, no one I depend on more, no one's opinion that matters more than hers, and no one I've placed so much faith in.::

He stopped to look at the stars through his porthole. ::Somehow, the logical Vulcan female found her way into my heart. No one makes me feel calm yet exhilarated, strong yet weak, and confidant yet unsure. No one else makes me so angry or frustrated as she does when she's on one of her stubborn tangents or questions my decisions.::

He smiled softly to himself. ::How the hell does an emotionless Vulcan woman elicit so much emotion in a human man?? Definitely one for the record books.::

He turned to look at Porthos and chuckled, "I can't deny it anymore, boy. I'm in love with her. I love T'Pol. A human in love with a Vulcan. Now I know this is definitely a first." He watched Porthos cock his head to the side as he became serious again, "The thought of her life being in danger, to find out why my world, my people were attacked, to go to war with a species that resides in a part of space that even the Klingons are afraid to venture...worries the hell out of me." He furrowed his brow realizing the fierce truth as it was said aloud.

He covered his face with his hands and sighed. ::I can finally admit this to myself, but of all the times to do so. Jon, do you have timing or what?:: Folding his hands over his mouth and resting his chin on his thumbs, he had a crazy epiphany, ::Well, regulations don't really pertain to her anymore, do they? I could say something to her. Not like she'll feel the same way or anything, but I could get it off my chest. No harm in trying, right? I mean, we're probably heading to our doom and since she's no longer with the High Command...:: He suddenly raised his head, his eyes wide with that thought.

Being brought back to his original question, ::Why is she doing this?::

Both had watched the video Soval had played for them, to show the dangers awaiting there, particularly for Vulcans, who dare to enter its domain. He furrowed his brow, ::Why give up her career and possibly risk her life for a planet that resents her kind?::

He also remembered her words on the bridge earlier, of this being "our" mission. ::I know she doesn't mean humans and Vulcans, because the High Command made it perfectly clear to both her and Starfleet, they want no part of this.:: He shook his head in confusion and sighed. ::Now's not the time to go telling her how I feel. I'll play that by ear. An opportunity will eventually open itself up, but first things first...::

He patted Porthos on the head and began to get up as the dog jumped off the bed, "Porthos, I need answers and there's only one person that can answer these questions. I hope she's in the answering mood. Nothing worse than trying to get information from a Vulcan, especially when it's personal. Wish me luck, boy."

Porthos gave him a squeaky bark and Jonathan headed towards his door, newfound confidence in his posture, with one destination on his mind, T'Pol's quarters.


	3. It's Only Logical? (T'Pol's POV)

T'Pol wearily entered the code to open the door to her quarters. The past few weeks had definitely tested her patience and ability to suppress her emotions. ::Recent events have been testing my control. It has not been easy maintaining my composure. It is getting too easy to get frustrated with all the illogical actions of late, beginning with the attack on Earth, then the message given to the captain when the Suliban had captured him by someone from "the future". The future??::

She paused at the opening of her quarters, ::The Vulcan Science Directorate dictates that time travel is impossible. It is preposterous and yet there is no logical explanation. I don't know what to believe anymore. My people's past actions already have me questioning logic. These current actions are not helping. It seems to continue in their contradictions.::

She entered her quarters, ::Perhaps I should meditate before beginning my resignation letter to the High Command. If my letter does not have a logical explanation for remaining on Enterprise, my decision will be another reason the High Command will hold me responsible for and blame Captain Archer for not following orders. I do not wish to give them any more reason to believe I have lost my way and have allowed the humans to influence me.::

Walking over to a drawer, she took out a meditation candle to put in the center of her room. Heading over to her closet, pulling out the brown and burgundy robe she wears for meditation, she began the task of changing and getting comfortable. Her thoughts kept focusing on her decision to stay.

::It was imperative that a Vulcan was placed on board Enterprise to provide logical guidance. How can the ambassador not see this is the time logic will be needed most? I did not choose to be placed aboard Enterprise, I was chosen. How can they expect me, a scientist, to continue my work on Vulcan, after being placed on a starship? It would be too confining and would hold no challenge.:: She gracefully sat down on the floor, placing the candle in the center of the room, her thoughts still clamoring inside her head, on her decision to stay.

::The Delphic Expanse is a feared region, and we have very little information in that part. Would it not be logical to not only assist Earth, but to gather as much data in that region, as well as on these Xindi when they are located, in case they decide to target Vulcan?:: She ignited the match and stared at the tiny flame before her for a brief moment.

::There is no reason to believe that the Xindi would target Vulcan, but then there was no reason to believe they would target Earth. The High Command's reticent doubts for the unexplainable seem to be emotional. Fear is an emotion. I am Vulcan. I embrace logic. I see no reason to not accompany the captain. It is a scientific challenge and the information collected can be beneficial to both worlds. I am a Science officer. It is my duty.:: She lit the wick, entering meditation. She took a deep cleansing breath and released it slowly to calm her thoughts.

As she was closing her eyes and beginning her mantra, her unsettled mind forced her to ask herself a question, ::There is another reason you wish to stay onboard, other than scientific curiosity, is there not?::

She recalled her conversation in sickbay with Doctor Phlox about the reason he had chosen to stay on Enterprise, questioning her on where her loyalties should be: the High Command or Captain Archer? Would she disobey her government yet again for a human? It's what led her to her final decision. She opened her eyes and arched her brow, ::Yes. I am staying out of loyalty towards the Captain. He will require my experience and any knowledge I may have on this dangerous mission.::

She thought about the times he had not only saved her life, but also saved her career. Her thoughts flashed to one such incident that still causes unrest in her mind. ::The High Command had performed dishonorable acts in the past. If not for the High Command's construction of the listening post in the sacred temple of P'Jem, the Andorians would never have seen reason to destroy it. The 3000 year old sanctuary would still be standing, inspiring young Vulcans to go through the Kolinar, or assisting others that seek guidance, from the monks. A piece of ancient history destroyed because of illogical behavior from my own government.::

::If not for Captain Archer, I would more than likely have been dishonored in the eyes of my people for betraying my government. I would have no career and no home. Though I am still loyal to my people and the ways in which I was raised, the High Command has shown they are not truly representative of all Vulcans and leaves me to question if 'they' are entitled to my loyalty.::

Committed in her justification, she closed her eyes again, ::The High Command had my loyalty out of obligation, Captain Archer has earned it. The Enterprise crew has accepted me on my own merits as I have accepted them, regardless of their prejudice towards Vulcans. I cannot leave, now when I am needed most.::

Her mind was not done with her yet. ::A logical explanation. Certainly there is yet another reason you wish to stay onboard, other than loyalty, is there not? Something of a more personal matter?::

Her eyes flashed open and stared at the candle flame, ::No. Why would there be another reason of a more personal matter?:: Her logical mind was having none of it. ::It is illogical to lie to oneself. One lies when one is afraid.::

She weakly countered, ::Fear is an emotion.:: Her mind debated the coupe de grace. ::You may be considered young amongst your people, but you are no child, it is time admit.::

She closed her eyes in acceptance, ::Perhaps there is another reason, but it is illogical. I do not wish for Jonathan to face danger on his own. He is more than just my superior officer. This occurrence had started some time back. I have become...accustomed to his presence.::

She began to recollect on when her thoughts changed for the human captain. ::Back when we had first met at Starfleet Medical, I had given my observation on human behavior and he had threatened me.::

She opened her eyes and they hardened, ::In my experience with humans, he had been no differentâ€”highly volatile, suspicious, emotional, and completely irrational. Humans seemed to be difficult to understand. I was less than pleased when Ambassador Soval selected me for the Starfleet mission.::

She slowly raised her brow, ::I had anticipated Klaang's return to Qo'noS, so that my assignment would end and I would return to the Vulcan compound in Sausalito. Then something I had not anticipated happened. When we were escaping the Suliban on Rigel X, I had been caught in an airstream from a shuttle flying overhead. He returned. After his antagonistic behavior towards me, he returned, causing himself to become injured. It was my first true learning experience on human behavior.:: Her face softened at the recognition of his action.

She also brought to mind Commander Tucker's speech in decon, ::The explanation of the dedication Jonathan had for that mission, no matter how crudely stated, was inspiring. It brought up a memory my mother had told me, about my second foremother T'Mir, and having compassion for others. Even if compassion is an emotion, it can create a satisfaction by succeeding in assisting another and perhaps become a small step in bettering the individual and for that individual to better others.::

::At the time I had thought it illogical and dismissed it, only later to realize the decision to help Captain Archer, explained it clearly. I never realized how important a role an emotion can play in improving relations with others. I suppose one must experience a particular situation, in order to understand.:: She gained that understanding after speaking with Commander Tucker and later decided to stay onboard, at Captain Archer's subtle request, and assist in humanity's first deep-space exploration mission.

Her understanding later changed to acceptance. ::I realized as his First officer, he would require my cooperation in making the mission a success. Even though I had pointed out on many occasions how illogical his decisions were, it was my duty to follow his orders and carry them out. I had to earn his trust.::

::Again, I began to realize as illogical as his actions were, they seemed to get him out of difficult situations and had been a learning experience for everyone in the process. He was becoming less complex and more...enlightening.::

Whilst in the process of her acceptance of him, she began to grow fond of him, what humans would call friendship. She opened her eyes to stare at the dancing flame in front of her. ::I had started to enjoy my free time in his company, and the small facts he began exchanging with me about his past. Small things, like the story of the book his father had given to him about the Arachnid Nebula.::

::It was interesting that a human who resented Vulcans would tell an intimate story such as that. He was trying to socialize with me and it was only reasonable that I would do the same. As difficult as it was fraternizing with him, I found that it was getting easier as time progressed. This human helped me see beyond my misconceptions towards humanity and I believe I had helped him understand Vulcans and our traditions. It was then I began to trust and respect him as he did me, and that made our journey much more tolerable.::

The fond memory had dissipated when the thoughts of friendship changed to something more disconcerting to her. Her fondness for him grew to something stronger, something she was having a harder time controllingâ€”the one thing she could barely admit to herself, let alone speak of it to another. She became attracted to him.

She closed her eyes again and drew her knees up to her chin, hugging them. ::Why did this happen? It will only make things difficult. Although he has accepted me for who I am, he will never accept me as anything more than a colleague and friend. To him I am Vulcan; interaction is acceptable, anything else is impermissible. He is also my superior officer. Any 'personal relations' would be considered inappropriate. I have put myself in an uncomfortable position.::

She released her knees, and again entered in a meditative position. She thought about the things she found attractive in him, other than his physical appearance. As she closed her eyes, she figured thinking about it, would purge these thoughts from her mind. ::It's only logical? Is it not?::

Many thoughts came to her mind when thinking about Jonathan Archer. Qualities that was admirable, and alluring.

::He is a persistent manâ€”he is stubborn, yet, open-minded enough to see beyond differences. His body communicates to everyone around him. It emanates authority and provides me with a sense of security that is comforting and reassuring. He garners my respect with his integrity. He is brash and moody...and at the same time bold and sensitive.:: She tightened her closed eyes at the potency of her thoughts for him.:: Her breath became rapid.

::Then there are the qualities that give me a physical reaction, an effect that I have never experienced and find completely illogical. The way his green eyes shine with the wonders of a child, with curiosity and innocence, urges me to touch his face.::

::Finally, there is the manner in which he feels strongly in anything he wishes to hold on to, a courage that he can win any battle, no matter how great the odds are against him, gives me the irrational urge to physically pull him toward me, to draw upon his passion to magnify my own and engulf me with its intensity.::

She gasped, and immediately opened her eyes again at the strength these thoughts were inflicting on her body. ::Perhaps exploring these thoughts was not a good idea.::

She had no choice. She had unlocked the floodgates that had been fortified by discipline. Memories managed to slip though, playing out in her mind. They threatened to consume her with waves of emotion.

Pictures bombarded her. She envisioned the time the Piroggin home world had been mysteriously destroyed and the disconcerting emotions she felt when Jonathan was grieving. ::I did not understand why he was reacting the way he was, even after my assurance that it wasn't his fault. After Doctor Phlox helped to shed some light on the subject, I..wanted..to help him overcome his grief, to give him back the fire of stubbornness, so he would not give up his dream.::

She remembered when the Suliban had surrounded Enterprise, threatening to destroy it, if Jonathan didn't surrender himself to their mercy. ::I was unable to control my body's reactionâ€”my hearts racing with the thought of him dying. I...feared..for his life.::

She remembered when he needed her to trust him. ::My thoughts had been impaired by the Suliban's method of interrogation, and he had come to me like a vision. My mind pondered whether it was a hopeful hallucination. When I had realized the illusion was real, I knew I had to fight the lethargy clouding my mind and ensure he returned safely. It was then I realized his importance, not just to Earth or the crew, but to me. He was..vital..to my existence.

She remembered the decision Ambassador Soval had made about recalling Enterprise's mission. ::There was the..need..to speak on his behalf to the High Command, regardless of my superiors' reaction. I had to ensure he continued as captain of the ship his father helped create. I..felt..gratification when he came to my quarters telling me 'I had put it over the top.' He informed me I was the one who saved their mission..his dream.::

Her eyes widened at the ramifications of these memories. ::Want, fear, vital, need. Emotions. This cannot be. It is not possible, I am Vulcan. But there is no other explanation. These are the reactions he invokes in me.::

As she was coming to terms with the emotions she thought locked away by logic, the chime to alert her of a visitor awoke her from her trance and startled her. She turned her head to the door, ::Given the time, only one person would be behind that door.:: She took in one last breath to regain control, "Enter."


	4. Tell Me Why

Jonathan walked the short distance to T'Pol's quarters like a man on a mission. He was ready to confront her, ready to ask his question, ready for anything she'd throw at him.

When he reached her door, his confidence deflated and his hands turned cold from anxiety. He swallowed hard and frowned. ::Maybe this wasn't such a great idea. She has this natural ability to clam up when conversations get too personal and I could be wasting my breath.::

He clenched his jaw and tightened his lips with renewed stubbornness. ::No! I have to know why she's staying, even if I have to stay here all night and pry it out of her one syllable at a time!:: He pressed the button to alert his arrival. As he was standing in the corridor waiting, he watched as Crewman Fuller passed by with a suspiciously knowing smile, nodding her head to acknowledge him. He nodded his head in a silent hello, furrowed his brow and smiled in confusion as he watched her walk by. ::You'd better be right about her being discreet, T'Pol. I didn't like that strange look she had.::

Jonathan jerked his head up when he heard T'Pol's permission to enter. He swallowed hard and proceeded to enter. He saw her sitting on the floor in front of a candle in the robe she wore when they had first met. He looked at her for a moment, taking in her beauty as the candlelight silhouetted around her face. His stomach began to do flip-flops. ::I've been up against Klingons after my blood, why am I so nervous to talk to her? I talk to her everyday! Come on, you can do this!:: "Um..hi." He slightly winced, ::Smooth, Jon.impress her with how articulate you are.::

T'Pol sinuously stood up from her position to greet him. She noticed him wince. ::Is he in pain?:: "Captain, are you feeling all right?" she asked.

He blushed at her observation, "Oh, I'm fine T'Pol. I just wanted to talk to you."

She tensed up, still fighting the effects of her 'meditation'. ::I am not prepared for this, but he will not leave unless he has spoken his mind:: "Very well. What do you wish to discuss?"

He mustered up his courage and cleared his throat. "Well, first I want to say thanks for deciding to stay here with us. I know you sacrificed a lot. It means a lot to me..erm.us that you're staying..here...on Enterprise." He wished he could kick himself. ::Pull yourself together! What's wrong with you?!::

She slightly tilted her head to gauge him, raised her brow, then softened her expression. "There is no need for thanks, Captain. As it was in the beginning of Enterprise's mission, you needed my assistance. This dangerous mission is no different. As your First officer, I cannot allow you to enter this place without all of your experienced personnel. That includes me. We had begun as one crew, and we should continue to do so."

He looked at her in awe, his nervousness completely gone. "Is that what you meant on the bridge when you said this was 'our' mission? You really DO feel you're part of this crew."

She sharply raised her brow up again. "Feel?"

He looked at her and smiled. "You know what I mean."

She lowered her brow, relaxing herself under his gaze and stared at him unwaveringly, "Yes. I have considered myself a part of this crew more than being a part of the High Command. It has not been easy finding my place on this ship. Being around humans has been trying at times; even though I have become accustomed to you, as I am sure you have adapted towards me. I have found a balance and I believe it is now satisfactory. I do not wish to, I believe the human term is, turn my back on it. It is only logical."

He was feeling it again, that pride she seemed to invoke whenever she spoke of doing what she believed was logically right. He also knew it took her a great deal of courage to admit to something like that. ::I never realized her dedication.:: His eyes softened and he gently smiled, "Thank you T'Pol. You have no idea how much that means to me."

She watched his green eyes glimmer in the candlelight's soft glow, her face taking on a compassionate tenor and softly replied, "You are welcome."

They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Taking in one another's presence as a picture to burn in their minds.

T'Pol was the first to break contact. The tension seemed to emanate from her sudden change in posture. She stood up straight and professionally, "Is that all, Captain?"

He watched her sudden change with curiosity. ::Why'd she stiffen up all of a sudden? We had a moment there. I know we did.:: "Actually, there is one more thing."

She nodded her head, "Proceed."

He started to move in closer to her, his eyes showing the courage he was mustering up. "Why, T'Pol?"

She arched her brow in confusion, "I do not understand."

He stopped when he was directly in front of her, looking straight into her eyes, so he can determine her thoughts and feelings, even if she denied they were there. "Why are you giving up everything? Why are you staying when you know the dangers? I know you have a lot invested in this crew, and you were right when you said I needed you, I won't deny that, but you had a lot invested in your career as well and whether the Vulcans admit it or not, they need you too. Why are you doing this?"

She took a few steps back, regaining her personal space, her eyes widening in shock at his question. ::He does not know what he is asking of me.::

She softened her expression, her voice husky and low, "I knew you needed me. Rather, I knew I was needed."

Archer scratched his head. "I do need you, but that doesn't explain why. You had a promising career; you were slated to go home."

She took a small step closer, her voice unchanging, "I have certain loyalties to my crewmates, to you. My..respect for you supercedes my desire to return to Vulcan."

He grinned. "Isn't loyalty an emotion?"

She raised her eyebrow. "Perhaps."

His smile widened at her admittance. "I was beginning to think you just enjoyed our company."

She slightly tilted her head, content with his reaction. "I do...enjoy...your company."

He took a step toward her, "So, you're staying because you enjoy my company?"

Not ready to give away too much, "That is not necessarily what I meant. There are many reasons I am staying, Captain. Certainly your company is one of them."

He moved in closer to stare into her eyes, gently placing his hands on her shoulders and softly smiled. "The feeling is mutual. I'm personally glad you're staying."

Looking into his eyes, her face softened, "As am I."

Pulling his hands from her shoulders, he gently rubbed them together trying to keep the warmth of her on his skin. He took a step back, his eyes never leaving hers, "Well, I should get going."

She simply nodded, watching him slowly move his way to the exit.

He turned around as the door slid open. Pausing in the doorway, he thought about telling her how he feels. ::No harm in trying.:: He turned back to look at her. "Wait."

She asked professionally, "Is there something else, Captain?"

He straightened his shoulders and walked back inside, the door swooshing shut behind him.

He frowned at her use of his title. ::Captain..always captain or sir. I'm really learning to hate those titles.::

He kept his voice low. "Yes. I have a few things to say to you, but I'd really like it if you'd call me Jonathan or Jon. We're not on duty."

She didn't know how to react to his request. Seeing his frown, she complied. "Very well..Jonathan. Is there something else you wish to discuss?"

He smiled, ::Finally. I can grow to like hearing her say my name.:: He cleared his throat nervously. "Yes..um..why don't you sit down first."

She stared at him, turned her head to her bed, and walked over to sit.

He followed suit and kneeled. Looking up at her, he felt his breath catch in his throat as the soft glow of the candle made her look regal. Feeling like he was frozen in time, he continued to stare, entranced, unable to utter a word. ::She's so beautiful.::

She stared at the warmth in his green eyes, giving off the semblance of pools which she could drown in if she continued to stare deeply into them. She fought the urge to shiver. ::His presence is making it difficult to maintain my control. Why does he not speak?:: She spoke to get his attention, "Jonathan."

His eyes still locked on her, he barely heard her calling his name. "What?"

She arched her brow, her tone low and husky, "I believe you...wanted to say something to me?"

He blinked to regain his focus. Taking a deep breath to muster up his courage, "Yes, I do." He cleared his throat. "I..no..you..no..we.." He bowed his head down, releasing a sigh. ::This isn't working out how I thought it would.::

She tilted her head, perplexed. ::Will I ever understand the complexity of humans? Particularly this one?::

He slowly lifted his head up, keeping his tone gentle. "We have worked together for over a year now, and I consider you a close friend. A friend I can confide in. A friend I can trust."

She nodded for him to go on.

He felt his heart hammering in his chest. "But..something happened. My feelings for you evolved into something else. Something stronger."

He stood up and sat beside her. He slowly placed his hand on her cheek, gently caressing it. Barely above a whisper, "I have feelings for you, T'Pol. Not the ones you have for a friend. Romantic feelings."

She closed her eyes at the cool touch of his hand. His rough skin stroking her face sent shivers throughout her body. She suddenly felt a heat rising up from nowhere and her breathing became faster. She sharply opened her eyes, pushing the sensations down into her essence and blanketing it with her logic. Trying to hide the tremor in her voice, "I share these..feelings as well, but Vulcans do not have casual relations as humans do."

He moved his hand to caress the back of her neck and gently smiled at her. "Don't think of it as a casual relationship. Think of it as getting to know each other in a different light. If there's something there between us, I want to give it a try. Don't you?"

The tingling sensation his touch was causing made it difficult to overanalyze what he was proposing. ::He has strong emotions for me and I return them. It is only logical to explore this further.:: She slowly blinked and gave a single nod, "Yes."

His eyes slightly widened, ::YES!:: Not wanting to ruin the moment, he fought down his excitement. He released the breath he was holding and smiled. Gathering courage, he boldly leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on her soft lips. He pulled back to see her reaction, his eyes lighting up with happiness.

Her eyes widened at the touch of his moist lips. She slowly lifted her hand and lightly touched her lips. She stared into his eyes, seeing the innocence shining in them. She gave into her urge and caressed his cheek, lightly brushing her fingertips in his hair. "That was pleasant."

He held in his chuckle, giving her a wide smile. "Interesting, I've never had a woman say, 'That was pleasant,' before." He took her hand in his and caressed it. "But, then again, it wasn't the worst report I've had either."

He pulled her closer and passionately kissed her. The questions associated with "why" gave way to the truth: they needed and wanted each other.


	5. EpilogueâThe Beginning

Captain Jonathan Archer sat in his chair observing the men and women around him. Not even a day in the Expanse and already the unforeseen has occurred. When he volunteered Enterprise for this dangerous mission, he thought nothing but horrors would be awaiting them all. It certainly started out on the wrong foot with Duras. It took only one woman to balance out the negativity.

He was boldly going where no man has gone before, in every sense of the phrase. This was truly one trek he felt he could face, because he was not alone. He turned around to the science station to look at the woman who was giving him strength. He softly smiled.

T'Pol looked up from her station to see his expression. Her eyes softened and she raised her brow in response.

Jonathan turned around and focused on the blank view screen ::Yup, this is definitely going to be a mission of unexpected events. This place may be wrought with danger, and I may still be afraid, but it's going to be okay. I'm sure we'll be heading for some hard times, but we'll handle it..together.::

With newfound confidence, he stood up from his chair and turned around so everyone on the bridge could see his face and the determination lurking in his eyes, "Let's go find the Xindi."


End file.
